I was scared before; scared to be close and afraid of being hurt, but not anymore. Being around you makes me smile and not just because you’re around. You make me like me. Your appreciation lingers on me even after you’re gone. The mirror smiles at me and makes me blush, not because I’m looking at myself through your eyes; it makes me smile because I see myself through my eyes, the way I’ve always wanted to see myself.

Beauty is quite a relative term. These days, I feel like I’m glowing. My eyes tell a story I don’t know if I want to share with the world just yet. It’s hard to close these windows and hide you away. But then I don’t know if I really want to. Talking was easy before, but now words flow, like water, with no barriers, no control, no dams. I feel like I’ve melted into a sea of insanity and delirious ecstasy and I don’t really want to get out, not just yet.

Thank you. Not for being there or for even caring about me. But thank you for showing me that it’s alright to feel lost and find your way again, for teaching me that blessings can’t really be counted, just known, like facts. Thank you for telling me that I matter, if to no one else then to myself, for believing and making me believe that I’m someone, I’m me and no one else can be that.

Thank you for opening your heart and opening your arms to me.

 Thank you for letting me thank you like this; I know it’s not easy.

Far far away –

There are days when you feel ok, there are days when you feel not so good and then there are days when you believe you’re invincible.

Somewhere, stuck between the two, you learn that maybe it’s not such a good thing to be invincible.

Maybe you’d be better off being mortal, paining, hurting.

Everyone sees it, the pain, the tears, the loud drums. But how often have you met someone who’d be willing to take it all? For you, for your sanity, who’d be man enough to go insane?

Who would be your knight in shining armor when you’ve got no one else? How many people, can you claim, have seen you cry and not sympathized? How many can sit there, watch you sob away and not try smother you with gibberish and empty words?

I know one such man. I knew someone like that.

He was my world and I was his.

I took it for granted, thinking it’d never go away, it’d never end.

Somewhere along the line, as I was busy pursuing other dreams, other aspirations, before I knew what was happening this someone, this love fell away, behind. And I never looked back. I just didn’t.

I was too scared, too busy, too full of myself.

The hardest thing is to look him in the eye and tell him I don’t love him. The hardest thing will be to lie and show no emotion when he starts to cry; to turn around and walk away, pretending I don’t love him.

He deserves better, I can’t make him happy.

i'm willing to listen, if you're willing to talk.

suddenly there's only silence, forced and oppressive, heavy and in abundance. silence can signify so much- a hurtful heart, a funfilled night, a peaceful meditation or an angry mind. how comfortable am i with these reproachful glances and fulfilled smiles? i don't know, some times these simple questions can give you answers to the most agonizingly complicated life changing puzzles.

wait. just wait. spent so much time waiting. in silence. giving away all i had to fuel someone else's passion, someone else's fire, someone else's life. i was left with silence. sometimes being quiet can help deal with quite a few things. you just have to know to channel it. i didn't. i struggled, still do at times. like just now.

desperation, they say, can make a man do the most terrbile things. have i just committed one of those? or did i make a right choice? should i have waited to listen or was it fine to walk away without speaking? pearls of wisdom didn't help much. what do you do when you're caught between who you are and who you want to be? where do you go when your heart and mind pull you in different directions?

now when i'm reading what i jsut wrote, it doesn't make any sense, incoherent, sounds like a deathbed blabber. who's death? i fail to understand. do i want to? no. not just yet.

i'll always be willing to listen, if you'll be willing to talk.